Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
