Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
