I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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