just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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