I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
