I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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