Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
