I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
