I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i out mim tonsoeep
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