It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The Olympian is in my bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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