If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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