At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
