3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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