bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
