Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
