dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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