I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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