farters have to be the big spoon...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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