AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Actions speak louder than pants.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
