Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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