Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
