She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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