When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize