I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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