WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
