i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
