so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
