wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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