there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize