the condom got lost in my hair
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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