i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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