beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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