Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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