All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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