i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
