Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize