lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
