she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
