five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
