is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
