White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
