if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
