Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
