My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize