I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
