My sheets look like a crime scene.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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