He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my shit smells like andre
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
