I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize