she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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