I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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