So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
