i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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