If i come over, it means nothing
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
