Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I CAN MOONWALK!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
