I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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