I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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