If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
