See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
