Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize