So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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