she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
