Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
