At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
